Where Have I Been? – A Catch Up

Like lichen on a log! I may seem inactive, but I’m actually a remarkable form of life, and quite busy! (Credit: Me)

“Where the fuck have you been?” I hear almost no one cry.

I can only offer some very insincere apologies for my absence. They are apologies because I have truly missed working on WLD. They are insincere because I’ve been busy doing other things, and those other things were, unfortunately for anyone who loves reading my shit, more pressing, more important or else more likely to get me paid!

When you’ve been unemployed for coming up fifteen years and an opportunity almost too-good-to-be-true presents itself you work your arse off to get it! That’s what I’ve been doing since around November last year, at least.

I won’t go into too much detail but it is an excellent opportunity and I am now in the irritating ‘waiting impatiently to hear if I get an interview’ phase so – Just keep your fingers crossed for me.

Much like me this gorgeous peacock butterfly (Aglais io) also did not wait patiently. Not for me to get a better shot of it, anyway! (Credit: Me)

Prior to that – well around last summer I had some family stuff come up that started demanding a lot of my time and energy. It was time and energy I had to spend doing the sorts of things I, as an autistic person, am barely capable of doing for myself but I always find myself volunteering to do them for others.

People with autism will tell you this is hell. It completely removes your focus and all the energy and motivation I had for the travelling, the writing, the editing process – I kept the ember going but that fire went out and when the flames came back they were invested heavily in those job applications.

That all means that moving forward I don’t know what the future holds. The last time I wrote anything for the site in earnest gas and electricity cost half what they do now and there wasn’t a major armed conflict on the European continent! The world moves fast and sometimes in sinister ways. Things change quickly and we never know what the future holds.

My intention is to keep writing. But what would I be writing for? If a job opportunity comes through then I would expect my writing to be as sporadic as it has been. It is a sad fact that it can be difficult for my autistic brain to focus on two major strings at once. Perhaps I could write about what I am doing? Who knows?

Safe to say I’ve been busy as a March bumblebee! These early bumblers are mostly Queens, who emerge from their overwinter holes and start building their nests. This is likely a queen buff-tailed bumblebee (Bombus terrestris).

If none of these opportunities goes my way well a huge part of that application process was learning video editing. (And if you are reading this as someone involved in that application process –Yes, I mean that! I had not edited a single second of video prior to that application process! So if you were impressed by what you saw consider that’s my level of ability when I have NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING!) Something I had been intending to do for a long time and a direction I have always wanted to take WLD in for multiple reasons. Chances are I’ll end up writing more outlines and scripts than articles and I will look at what type of content I could make as video rather than as articles.

That said a camera is a must if I want to get out and about (and I would – bug season is starting!) and right now I can’t even afford nice coffee let alone a DSLR!

Whatever happens I just want to thank everyone who has supported me, encouraged me, boosted my confidence and put me in a position where even if I fail in a goal I’ve already got a new one lined up to shoot for! ‘Learned helplessness’ is a bastard and when you’ve suffered misfortune upon misfortune it’s easy to fall into and, on your own, ridiculously hard to get out of. It is odd to say but there are total strangers out there who have given me an immense sense of value in myself, something that has been missing for a long time. So thanks.

I have had some amazing interactions in my time with WLD and I hope for many more. But I have the utmost respect for those people who can empathise so much with my faceless logo on a computer screen, telling stories. Those faceless logos can be a bit fake, a bit of a smokescreen, but I can assure you – especially given my number of meltdowny tweets and posts! – there’s a real person here, and he appreciates the support and encouragement you give.

So if you want to see my face on videos send me your curses. Otherwise, wish me luck with these applications.

Until then I will simply wish you,

Peace and Curiosity.


Published by Karl Anthony Mercer

Karl Anthony Mercer is a writer, poet, author, musician and part-time dandy. He can often be found squatting in fields looking at insects (he is an unapologetic wasp fanatic), wandering around museums over-dressed, or hiding in a dank corner singing sad songs on a small guitar. His writing on WordPress consists of MercersPoems - an outlet for his poetry often using natural imagery, gothicism and decadence to explore the struggles of living as an autistic person; and We Lack Discipline - Where he writes about factual, often academic topics he has learned and is interested in (e.g. biology, psychology, Roman history etc.) with an inimitable, often light-hearted and irreverant style. You can support Karl by; Subscribing to the We Lack Discipline Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/WeLackDiscipline Or buying him a coffee (he loves coffee!) - https://ko-fi.com/welackdiscipline

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